Treasure

Lotto 649 this week is 10 million dollars.  When I think of what I would like to do with all that money, I feel envious and frustrated at whoever wins. 

I do not… win that is… not even the price of the ticket!

So where is my treasure? 

In my house?  Nope, the economy saw to that!

In my bank account?  … Economy again!

My jewelery?    LOL!

Toys?   I have none.

But oh, did it snow today and it was beautiful.  It covered all the dirt and muck from the melting in the last few days and now everything is clean and pristine.  Tonight the hill behind my house glows  in the reflected light of the town and it is sooo quiet.    The shadows are so blue and the snow shapes so smooth and immaculate.

Last night it was so cold out and the stars!  Oh, they were so bright and intense.  I could even count the Pliades, I counted nine.  The Big Dipper was standing on its handle and Scorpio was on its tail…I think.  Orion’s Belt stood out so bright.  Then I was too cold and had to go in.

Then my daughter called.  We chatted about her day and compared notes on ideas and differences in our lives.  We laughed and listened and learned from each other.

The cat, George was asleep on the couch .  He was on his back with his paws limp on his chest and his hind feet draped against the arm of the couch.  He was so asleep and comfortable he didn’t move when I went to bed.

Another daughter called and she talked on about the brilliance and ability of my granddaughter.  She shared her joy over the friendships she’s building and how their homegroup will help her sister move when its time.

The other cat, Tuna, curled up on my chest while I read for while in bed.  She does get in the way so I finally pet her and then she purrs and snuggles until I put the book away and give her all my attention.

I was thanked today for my efforts with a child I work with.  I was hugged by another child.  Three boys helped me willingly and responsibly when the snow plow came to plow out the school and we had to keep the driveway clear of children.  I was so proud of their attitudes and help.

Hmmm, what was I talking about earlier?  Ah, yes.  Treasure.  I am very rich.

I’ve dreamed of wealth,

To have enough

to do my heart’s desire.

I’ve thought of fame,

of doing things to shake a world’s empire.

But tonight I found my treasure,

Though not in the way I’d planned.

It lay there, gently resting,

in my second daughter’s hand.

So innocent; without concern 

Soft, snuggled by her Bear,

Her face relaxed, slow breathing,

As she lay sleeping there.

Her busy fingers quiet,

from the ructions of her day.

Her eyelids quickly fluttering

with dreams about her play.

This wealth no bank account could hold,

No Stock Exchange would see.

To be loved and teased and trusted,

That’s all the treasure that I need.

Feb. 26, 1992

Copyright-Marian Tidsbury

Pearls

One day, due to currents on the ocean bottom and motion that was irresistible, a grain of sand was deposited inside the shell of an oyster.

The grain of sand had no life of its own and just stayed where it was placed.  The oyster did have life and a nervous system that registered the presence of the grain of sand. 

Within the oyster’s abilities is the mechanism that excretes nacre, a smooth, lustrous material that layer upon layer coats the grain of sand, protecting the delicate tissue of the oyster.

Somewhere in the forgotton annals of time, someone discovered these unusual growths within the oyster’s shell and decided they were valuable.   Over the millenea, pearls have been sought, fought over and bought for great prices and sacrifice.

In the Gospel of Matthew Jesus tells the story of the Pearl of Great Price. Today I heard the story told as I have never understood it before. Jesus said, ” The Kingdom of Heaven is like a merchant searching for pearls.” He finds the one wonderful pearl and gives everything he owns to purchase and own that pearl.

All of my life I have been taught that this is the story of me as the merchant searching for the kingdom of God and giving my all to own it. BUT…

Jesus said, “The kingdom of heaven is like a merchant searching…
Where God is, heaven is, so this is God doing the searching for the pearl that He would give everything to own.

I am the pearl. We are the pearls that He gave His all to own. Our value is in His search. Our value is because He considers us valuable.

Oh, I know I am just a piece of sand covered in shiny stuff not of my making, but His desire for me is what creates my value. His search for me and the price He paid erases any doubt that He sees worth and a future and a hope. He values me! He wants me! He loves me!

Amazing love,
How can it be,
That Thou my God
Shouldst die for me!
-Charles Wesley

Unavoidable Losses?

I awoke this morning . I got out of bed and made myself a cup of tea, which I drank, steamy, creamy hot. Propped against pillows, I finished a book I had started yesterday, thoroughly enjoying it. I hung up my P.J.’s and got dressed for church.
Leaving the house, I drove across town to church and spent the morning with people I love and shared experiences, thoughts and ideas. There was a wonderful time in the presence of God worshipping Him, corporate and well as in my private time with Him.
I was very aware of the absence of one friend who spends the winter in Arizona. Another friend is in Germany, and yet another moved away and I don’t see her at all anymore.
While my day was not earth-shaking, it was filled with losses necessary for the forward going of my life:
I needed to wake up, losing the continued state of sleeping.
I had to get out of bed to make my cup of tea. (Some very enterprising person might figure out a way to make tea in bed, but I am not that one!)
I drank the tea I made. This is an unavoidable loss in there is really no point in making tea unless I drink it.
I finished the book. Had I just held the closed book in my hands, I would not have enjoyed the story which is the whole reason people write.
I lost the P.J.’s for clothing more appropriate for public viewing and lost the current time in my house for the time in the church building.
I fight loss.  I don’t notice that life is filled with losses.  Life cannot move forward unless there is loss.  To be alive is to experience loss.  Yet I can’t let go of so many things.   Loss brings cleansing, freedom and change.  Loss also hurts.  I think loss must be like gravity;  as a human I cannot escape its influence, and like gravity, if not respected, loss can cause harm  and even death can result.
I think loss has to be re-thought.  Why do we save, hoard and collect.  Jesus Himself said our treasure is in Heaven.

Somewhere in these thoughts there is a key to freedom.

Bacon Bits and Parmesan

Like croutons in my salad,
Like sugar in my tea,
Like a sweater when its cold,
Is your love for me.

Like pickles in my sandwich,
Or a patchwork on my bed.
A sparkly, sunny winter’s day
Are the special things you’ve said.

Like sunset in the evening,
Like fireflies at dark,
The Aurora Borealis
Is how you hold my heart.

Dynamic, sweet and cozy,
Surprising warm and bright,
Beautiful, magical, awing,
Is your influence in my life.

© Marian Tidsbury  Feb. 21, 2008

Mindful or He likes Me!

“Be mindful” was my challenge. What is mindful? Why is it encouraged and even offered by strangers concerned for my wellbeing. “Be mindful of the traffic, the lights are out.” “Be mindful of the corner there, you may snag your sweater.”
Mindful… A mind full…of what?
Being mindful “informs your actions”, one person said. Being mindful puts you “in tune with others”, another offered. Being mindful creates a “peripheral awareness” so that what my mind is full of, spills over into everything I plan, do or attempt to do. Being mindful “governs life”.
“Be mindful of God for He is mindful of you”. I need to have my mind filled with God so that He informs my actions, keeps me in tune with Him and others. I need that peripheral awareness of Him that will spill over into everything I do and my mindful-ness of Him will govern everything I do.
But that is only  half of the thought!

The other half is that God Is Mindful of Me!

If God is mindful of me, then His thoughts of me “inform His actions”!  If being mindful, then God is in tune with my life and He isn’t put off by me.  He likes me!  If being mindful is a peripheral awareness so that everything done spills over into the benefit of the one of who God is mindful, then Psalms 139:17 makes such sense.  His thoughts of me out number the sand, and when I awake, he’s still got his chin in His hand, thinking of me.  This is not a narcissistic high, this is the wonderof that One who shook the stars off His hands when He finished; this is the One who is mindful of me…of you.  Mindfulness governs what is done for the one being thought of; “what is a man that you would be mindful of him?” (Psalms 8:4) 

Yet Jermiah 1 says I am “loved with an everlasting love”. Isaiah 41:9 says I am not rejected but accepted.  Isaiah 43:4 declares that I am precious and honored in His sight. (Whew!) 1 Peter 2:9-10 says we are a chosen race, a Royal priesthood, a Holy Nation, a People for God’s own Possesion.  We are this so we may worship Him as is right and we are now a people, but now we are a people of God who have received mercy.  I am a people of God who has received His mercy.  I am His child, (John 1:12-13), I delight Him, (Psalms 150:20), He has joy because of me(Zephaniah 3:17), He has plans, just as any doting Father would, (Jeremiah 29:13).  He sees me as His success.  I am the fruit of His labor and what He has done is good.  He likes me.  He likes me! He likes me!

Such Joy!  He is Good!

Good

 I have been reading a book about the Psalms for my morning read while I eat my porridge.  There have been many ideas that have hooked my attention, but this morning the writer expounded on the goodness of God.  

Now, this is a favorite topic of mine.  Some years ago while working at a youth camp, there was an incident that could have been very serious, even fatal to a camper who got in the wrong place at the wrong time.  He survived with only some stitches and a lesson on the importance of following instructions.   

Upon review with the staff team, of which I was part, we were discussing what had happened and what could be avoided to prevent a repeat.  One of the staff breathed out, “I am so glad he didn’t die”, to which I replied, “Oh yes, God is good.”  She answered back angrily, …”and if he had died…?” 

At that moment I experienced one of those gifts of God that He loves to surprise us with; in my heart and mind double doors swung open in front of my understanding and I realized that even if the boy had died, God is still good!  He is intimately involved in our lives by His choice, but our lives don’t effect Him.  His goodness remains outside of our realm but is poured so generously over us.

I answered her in awe and wonder, “God would still be good.”

A Child’s Eyes

I was bruised the other day.  Unthought words and unchecked attitudes were poured out on my head.   But I have a big God and supportive friends.  I didn’t bleed and I didn’t have to run.

I woke up Saturday to discover the disquiet and jangle from the day before was gone.   I felt strong and ready for a new day.  The day was an adventure and my God was so good to me to use my skills and passions,  reminding me I am His tool, His child and I can look at Him no matter how I am accused.  He knows the truth.  The confusion and shame are distilled into wisdom and security by the work of His grace.  Oh, He is good!

The intent look of the new-born,
Learning his Daddy’s face.
The anxious look of the five year old,
Preparing to run her first race.

The excited look of discovery,
As a child shares what he’s learned.
The look of the broken hearted,
When her friendship has been spurned.

The look of reproach and puzzlement,
When honesty wasn’t believed.
The look of relief and thankfulness
When earned punishment turns to reprieve.

As Your child, Lord, what do my eyes say,
When I look in a moment of calm?
Does the love that I have for You show there,
Or just my guilt for what I’ve done wrong?

Let my eyes show You how much I love you,
As I look without fear, unashamed.
The eyes of a child You have rescued,
Resurrected, redeemed and renamed.

                                                ©Marian R. Tidsbury June 8, 2002

Everything

 You’re the sun in the morning,
The rain in the spring.
You’re the present at Christmas,
The song the birds sing.
You are everything,
Everything a lifetime could need.

You’re the hope that sustains me,
The love that I share.
You’re the life that flows through me,
The eternal care.
You are everything,
Everything a lifetime could need.

 You’re the green in the pine tree,
The snow on the peak.
You’re the shine on the water,
The words that I speak.
You are everything,
Everything a lifetime could need.

You’re the light in the star shine,
The truth in the day.
You swing the earth’s orbit,
You hear when I pray.
You are everything,
Everything a lifetime could need.

You’re the hands that comfort;
That lifts my head up.
You’re the bread on the table,
The wine in my cup.
You are everything,
Everything a lifetime could need.

You’re the green place we rest in,
The water of peace.
The door that we walk through,
The guard of our sleep.
You are everything,
Everything a lifetime could need.

© Marian Tidsbury   March 16, 2010

Sun and the moon…

This morning as I drove to school, the sun was just rising over the mountains in the east as the moon was setting over the mountains in the west.  The real light was rising as the reflected light was disappearing.  It was beautiful as the moon was also full.

The weather changed today as well;  in a matter of hours it went from balmy to freezing January weather.   A rushing, roaring wind tore in from the northwest and overcame the warmth with the cold.

Tonight the sky is so clear.  The stars were almost  three dimensional and there were so many visible.  The the moon rose over the eastern ridge and by its brilliance eclipsed the stars and stole the show.    The snow shadows in the moonlight are such a pure shade of blue.  It is winter, crisp, sparkling cold.

I love it!

Amazing

Burned bridges, broken dreams,
Derailed thoughts, silent screams.
Tender traps, battered minds,
Hopeless hope, unseen signs.

Amazing pain,
How can it be,
That You would even notice me?

Selfish plans, choosing sin.
“I’m number one”, “I’ve gotta win”.
“My times my own”, “Don’t ask me”.
“It suits me now”,…”love is free”.

Amazing lies,
How can it be,
That You would even think of me?

Heartfelt thoughts, quiet words,
Gentle touch, a peace absurd!
Narrow path, a vision given,
Truth revealed, the way to heaven.

Amazing plan,
How can it be,
That You have even chosen me?

Brother and friend, never alone.
A heart of flesh, no longer stone.
Hope of hope, light of light,
Indwelling me, eternal life.

Amazing love,
How can it be,
That You, my God should die for me?

© Marian Tidsbury Oct.12,2001
(Last line: Charles Wesley,1707-1